EP024 // Shame Storm // Part 2

If you haven't listened to Part 1 - Go start there. 

In this episode I jump right into the 2nd thing that was throwing shame at me that rare night that I couldn't sleep.   And I Unpack that shit suitcase. 

Let's roll.

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Transcript

0:00

Hello. Hello, welcome to Peace by pieces the podcast. I'm your host Ashley Hutt and today we're hopping right in to shame Storm part 2. I'm not gonna go into the explanation if you missed shame Storm part 1 go ahead and listen to that because that's where all the you know set up information is and anything you might need to make this make sense. But so the second thing that I was feeling Shame about that night in regards to my daughter was that I when we read books at night. When we're reading books, you know at bedtime and I feel like she interrupts me a lot. You know and I actually watched I saw a real earlier today from Dr. Becky and she was talking about like at bedtime when kids just start asking like so so many questions and she was saying that it's like it's a form of separation anxiety. Like they're they're nervous system is is seeking regulation in anticipation of being separated from you from from that. But we don't do that. We still co-sleep at the moment. And you know, that's one of my out-of-the-box choices if you don't agree with it, that's totally fine. You get to do you I get to do me and Yeah, so that's I guess that's a story for another day. But like so that's not that's not what it is with her. Right? So that was my point. So while we're reading a book that feels like every sentence she's like interrupting me to ask a question and she's done this for a long time. Like I can remember getting really frustrated with her when she was like three and you know, I'm not gonna say that that was right, but that is what was happening. And you know, I remember Thinking back. I remember her being small and then in her like talking or whatever and me being like well, I'm gonna keep reading and sometimes being a little sassy about it in my own sassy pants, right but the other night and this had happened a couple of nights in a row and each time. You know, I had my initial reaction was like like would you just shush your mouth and listen to the story? Like that's that's what I was thinking. but then like but then I would I would take a breath like she would you know, she's very calm with me. Like I am calm with her like even though that's what was happening inside my brain. That's not really what I said. She knew that I was frustrated but and she was like well Mom, I have a question but you like don't stop, you know, like you just you keep reading like there's there's it's not like I take a pause and then be like, do you have any questions right like so she's if she's got a question like she's got a kid in there, right and I was like Yeah, you're right. Okay, and then like even when I was frustrated like I would stop and be like tell me like I want to know I want to know like tell me okay, so that had happened in a couple nights and it happened this night that I was feeling the same storm. That wouldn't let me sleep. So that was like the next thing that came in after thinking about this bike was like, oh my gosh. Like I keep doing that to her. Like that's not how I want to be that's not like her voice is important. I want I want like I legit do want to know what she has to say. I do. You know, I'm not like making that up. I'm not just saying that like I do like I want to know what she has to say. In those moments, so it's like what's going on? So like the next morning again? I sat down. To go through each of these cases because I was like these these I want I want to work through these because I want and then this one specifically is, you know, a behavior of mine that's happening right now in real time that I would like to shift because that's not how I want to be so I was like, where's this coming from? Where's this coming from? So I I sit down to journal and I'll and I'm like, okay one. I don't like being interrupted. I don't I don't like that feeling of inter being interrupted whether I'm reading a book or whether I'm recounting a story or whether I'm explaining something or whatever. Like I don't I don't like being interrupted it like triggers something in me, right it triggers up some anger some frustration. Maybe some like imprints of not being heard. you know because me like a lot of people moms my age like when we were kids like we weren't Always given the opportunity to fully explain what we what we had experienced or what, you know our side of the story or you know, you never listen to me and that kind of stuff right so I know I have imprints of that and even though I'm just reading a book. I it's still triggering that in me right in that I wish like if I could paint this perfect picture that me that I wish that she would just lay there quietly and listen to me read a book. And then she'd be like that was wonderful. Mommy. Thank you for reading me a book. Good night. Sweet dreams, you know like that's like ideally for me what would happen but She has questions. She has questions. Her questions have questions, and I want her to have questions. I want her to question things. I want to understand how our brains connect things to understand other things. I want to understand how her brain connects things to other things and all the Curiosities and all the questions. Like I want her to have these questions. I want her to be willing to allow and accept and and I want to work with her through those questions on anything and everything whether it's you know, the big things about how the world works or where babies come from or whether I'm, you know, reading a book about a cat that wants to be a dog like it doesn't really matter right like for them for the kids like everything is important. And and maybe whatever they think is important like we can look at and be like it doesn't really matter. Dog did on the last page like it doesn't it's not that important but it is to them. And we get to choose I get to choose to. Also plays importance on that to enter into her world and be like, okay, let's look at it, right. I want to allow and accept her questions and work through their work with her through those even if I'm in the middle of a book like that's what I want and then it's all okay. And it's all okay and it's all okay and to Just Breathe Right. And sometimes I'm just tired and sometimes me being tired means I'm not I'm not my best. I'm not my most patient loving self. So the frustration is closer to the surface. Yet I can always access my best. I can. I know my best. I know where my True Heart Is I know what I want in these situations. I know how I want to be in those situations and that may not always be what's right there at the surface, but when it is triggered up, I can always take a breath and access that best part of me that person the mom that I want to be showing up as even in the moment of that struggle Even exactly in that moment. I can pull her out. And that's pretty interesting that I can always access my best. Which is my love for her. And then if something needs to be repaired if I need to apologize if I need to reconnect through something then then I can do that with my love for her. So last night or that night when I was thinking back to when I would get frustrated with her in that same situation when she was like three and I guess back then I was really just I was really just waiting and hoping for her to like fall asleep while I was reading great. And if she's interrupting me with questions when she's not sleeping. She rarely falls asleep when I'm reading. And like I said, it had happened a couple of nights in a row where this exact scenario happened and she was calm about it and she was like, but Mom, I just have a question mom. I was even even when she would interrupt me and I'd be like she'd be like, I'm sorry, but I just have a question, you know, like she was calm and cool and collected through it all like and if six year old can do that like by God 41 year old can do that right? Like I can't ivy. She calmly voice herself a couple of times around this. And maybe if it triggers up shame in me from when I would get angry when she was little. And I'm sure that there was at least once when I got so frustrated at being interrupted that I just like shut the book and was like we're done lights out. We're going to sleep. Which you could view as a natural consequence like you if you annoy a person they they move away from you. but that's disconnection and while that may be true for like all other people in the world, you know, like if she's playing with a group of friends and she's being Really annoying which she's not. Or anything but like and and those friends like move away and like they're like, I don't want to play with her or what, you know, like if that were to happen and this is totally hypothetical. It's never happened, but that's something that can happen in the rest of the world, but that's not something. that I feel would be appropriate in her foundation relationship, which is me. That if you do something to bother that is that that bother somebody else not even like to do something to bother someone but if you just you're just being you but like other people find it annoying they may move away. But I don't want her to carry that belief about me. and because I am the foundation of like all of her future relationships, you know, if she's in a partnership with, you know, a man like getting you know working towards marriage or whatever like I don't want her to be in a relationship where like if she's just doing her things and the other person gets annoyed and like disconnects and like runs away. Like that's not cool. Like that's not what I want for her either. Because she wasn't she also she wasn't trying to annoy me. She wasn't trying to frustrate me. She wasn't even trying to delay bedtime or you know anxious about separation. She wasn't trying to do any of that especially back when she was three. She was just being a three year old. And now she's just being a curious six-year-old with lots of questions and her brain is making connections beautiful connections to other things and it snowballs from one thing into another. And she's not trying to annoy me she even apologizes. And during these years I want to be here for her. I want to be here for her. So that means being aware of my own stuff. Working through it on my own so that I can show up and access my best so that I know what my best is and then I can access my best at any given time even in a moment of increasingly. You know great frustration. That I can access that with a breath. And bring myself bring my heart bring my love and patience and kindness back into the present moment. To then respond to her. the way that I want to the way that I want to setting her emotional Foundation underneath of her as solid as I can. Is solid as I can. And if that's some skills that you wish you had or you're like wow. Because I didn't I didn't you know, like that's not in the mom handbook that I got. I don't know what was in the mom handbook that you got but I've had to figure out a lot of this stuff on my own along the way and paired with my training as a hypnotherapist my work and inner child healing with myself and my clients and work with so many adult women and seeing where knowing where all of these. the stuff that we're all carrying around this doubt this worry this guilt this blame the shame that's not not only about motherhood but about all things like What our house looks like what we do for a living if it's enough that kind of car. We drive if we fixed our hair today if we shaved our legs if we feel worthy enough to to speak up if we feel worthy enough to talk to that person and all this absolute trash. We all carry around with us like I made a promise to myself a number of years ago that I was going to focus on. Making that different for her and I knew when she was two years old that it had a lot more to do with me and a lot less to do with her. Right and it and that hasn't changed now that she's sick almost seven. It still has a whole bunch more to do with me than it has anything to do with her. So that's why I created my joyous mom accelerator. A program it's beautiful. It's hypnotherapy based. It will literally retrain your mind for nervous system regulation to restore your Humanity to restore your rest to restore your best. Rapid stress reduction to have these things available for you at all times. With ways to work through feelings of guilt and blame and shame to use your voice to speak up for what you need. Because you're a people too Mama. So if you're interested in that or just interested to know more or if there are other options click the link below to apply for a free DM conversation on Instagram. You just fill out some questions. We have a chat. I have lots of options. It's not just the program. There are other options that fall underneath of there from Minimum investment to higher Investments depending on what you have available. And I know that there is something that will work for you that will help you in this motherhood journey of yours because your motherhood journey is their childhood journey and it is all intertwined into this Human Experience that you are creating for your children right now and living through on your own. Mama I'm here for you. hmm So click that link below to apply for free and let's have a chat. I love you. Stay tuned for episode three of the shame store because man. ah Love you.