EP025 // Shame Storm // Part 3

If you haven't listened to Part 1  - Go start there.

In this episode I jump right into the third and final thing that was throwing shame at me that rare night that I couldn't sleep.   And I Unpack that shit suitcase.

Let's roll.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Apply for a Free DM Conversation with me
to identify what is blocking you from a Guilt-Free | Joy-FULL Mom Experience.

You'll receive a bonus training as well!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Joyous Mom Accelerator

I have options from a dip of the toes to going all in.  
I know there is something that will work for you. 

I love you. 
I'm proud of you. 
You are the best mom for your kids. 

Transcript

0:00

Hello. Hello and welcome to this episode of Peace by pieces. I'm your host Ashley Hutt. Let's get right into it. This is the third installment of the shame storm. Shame Storm part 3, if you don't know what I'm talking about go back and listen to part one in part two where I explain it. So that night that I was laying in bed and the the third form of shame that came into my mind while I'm trying to sleep is shame around being here. Where we are stationary? Now you might be like what is she talking about? So let me back up a little bit. My daughter and I we traveled we were digital Nomads. We were van lifers. We we lived and traveled in our campervan for a little over two years and we're still intending to get back on the road. We we came here to my dad's to sell the van and expand into a larger space. and we just haven't gotten back on the road yet. So we've been here for about a year almost a year and a half I think which was never in the plan. But here we are right and I can either resist that and like Hate on it and be really mad and angry and frustrated about it, or I can just be like, you know, this is where we are. I'm gonna be here right now right now. I am here here I am right now and here we are but that night the shame around being here was more about how different our lifestyle is when we're on the road versus how it has been here. And how much it changed for her, you know when we are traveling we are in campgrounds. There are playgrounds. There are pools. There are like, you know Community houses with games and stuff. We are out walking or riding our scooters around the campground every day. There are kids. There are kids all the time. There are kids everywhere. There are other families that are there that also travel all the time like I'm meeting new people and talking with moms and dads and she's playing with kids and all of all ages too. You know like one day there was this like one of those bouncy pillows that are like buried in the ground and I sat there and like watched her play with like three boys that ranged from like nine to maybe 14. I don't even know and they were just having a good old time. So You know, we were outside a lot more we would go exploring a lot more because every couple of weeks we would be in a new area. So there'd be like, you know new things to check out. Oh, let's go to this Museum. Let's go to the Science Center. Oh, let's go on this hike. Oh there's this waterfall over here. Oh, hey, there's this fun place or hey, there's a Whatever, right and we would we would just go and we were we were just more active. There was just more of everything of play of other people of kids of being outside of activity of movement of exploring of learning coming across new things. you know all of this stuff that that was happening while we were traveling and you know now that we're here at my dad's and we live kind of out in the country. And you know, it's a good 40 minutes one way to like really get anywhere. You know, we've not been around a lot of other kids and it's not like none but it's mostly been like my friends that also have kids so that like it may not be like Her ideal plate companion, right? And I honestly I don't recall the last time that we went to a playground. And that makes me a little sad and we're not nearly outside enough to my liking anyway, but I'm a very outdoorsy person. She's a little different. It's much more difficult to get out and go places because we're far away from them and it doesn't and it doesn't feel like there's anything new. You know, there's no sense of like urgency because we're like, we're always here like so they're yes, there are plenty of places in the in the near vicinity that we've not yet gone to or not yet explored. But because like, we're not gonna be moving next week to a different place. Like there's that urgency isn't there so it just doesn't happen. So, you know, I'm like thinking through all of this stuff and like feeling just really down and not just for her but for me, but I'm like and then you know, and I'm just thinking about a handful of the things that I that I wish had been different in the past year. um So that was that was like the third thing that came up that night when I was trying to go to sleep. And my brain wouldn't shut off and it was just showing me all of these things. That I'm that didn't feel good. That did not feel good. So again the next morning when I woke up, I sat down and journaled that stuff out because I was like, let's get to the bottom of this. There's some wisdom here. There's something to be learned here. There's something that it's trying to show me. There's something that I need to come to like not to terms with I don't even know what that really means. But um, but like to come to accept I guess and to um, you know be here now I'm here right now right now is here I am and and what we have experience in the past year and a half is what it is. There's no changing it. So there's no need to feel guilt and shame and whatever about it and like let's look at it. And if there are things here that need to be shifted and changed if they're if there are actions that I can take moving forward to move us closer to like an ideal and optimal then Use that as inspiration to to do that, right? So I sat down the next morning and I journaled through that. And I also I like I came up with so many good things because that night all I could think about was. All of the things that I wish were different right and all I could think about where all the things that we didn't get to do anymore. It was a total pity party, right? But I sat down the next morning. I looked at all the things that we do have now and all the beautiful things that have happened since we've been here in this space. you know we have we have cats now her and I both love cats and we have three of them right now here at my dad's. And we've we've spent a lot of quality time with my dad. You know for for me and for her and for him, like that's beneficial for everybody. You know you get to know each other a lot more. and in different ways than when you just see each other once a month or even once a week, you know. it's different and it's Unique because that's not something that Well, it's not something I ever even aimed right, but I'm here and we're here and I've been here for him and he's been here for us during this time. It's it's given me so much more time to like. Get my feet under me. To to address some stuff that was internal to me. without having to like be completely on our own and self-sufficient and moving around all the time, which is wonderful in a lot of ways and it takes extra energy for like planning and figuring out where you're gonna go next and driving and you know reestablishing some sort of you know, where am I when we get to a place and stuff like that. You know, it's given me the opportunity to well when I have a night where I'm up late unable to sleep having a shame storm going on in my mind that I can the next morning sit down in journal through it and work through it instead of being like no we gotta go. Right, like it's giving me space to do some of the stuff. I have more friends now. more friends more new friends more more friends in a In a different stage of their lives and that it's really healthy and beneficial for both of us and we're learning and growing together. Yeah, I you know I have friends. Like that before but we weren't in person. Like we couldn't meet up and go to each other's houses and and she has more friends too and my friends adore her and the kids that she's around are repeated in her life. So they have like a growing relationship instead of it being, you know kids that she's plays with in the campground for a week and a half and then we don't see him, you know, things are more consistent and grounded and in all of that is good, too. And that there's this beautiful give-and-take of of stuff and and that it's all temporary. when we were traveling it was wonderful and beautiful and I was there in the moment. And we can do that again. It's always there and right now we're here and we're stationary and we're not traveling and that's okay too. And this is temporary too because everything is temporary. She will never be six years and 11 months and one day you're old again and whatever age I am right now. I will never be the age again. And you know, the only constant in this life is is change. and some of that we can look at as good and some of that we can look at as bad and all of it has good and bad. If we want to look at it, that way we get to choose what we focus on. so I'm gonna wrap it up here. This one was a shorter one. I think I think I meant for the all of these to be like five minutes, but you know I get talking and here we are but I love it. And I know that even some of the things that come out of my mouth they're for me, even if I'm the only one that reaps the benefit of this like that's that's beautiful and perfect. But I know you're out there too, and you're listening to and I would love to hear from you. I would love to hear from you. If you've enjoyed this series if there's things that it made you think about if there's things and skills that you're like man. I wish I knew how to do that or how does she do that or like gosh way out where any of those things or it makes you feel just more human like Oh. I'm not alone here because you're not you're never alone. We're all here. We're all on the same team really truly we are. Um, whether you look at it that way or not. And if you're interested in working with me, I would love to talk with you. I have many different options. My Flagship program is called the joyous mom accelerator and there's a link below for you to apply for that applying is free. There's no hassle. There's no pressure. There's not like I don't believe in that stuff. That's not how I live my life in any way. I'm certainly not going to bring that into my business. So it just fill out a couple of questions down below and we'll have a talk we can send each other messages on instant messenger. Not instant messenger. Gosh, what is it 1990 and Instagram? We'll share some DMS. We'll get to know each other a little bit better, and we'll see if if you know if we're good fit and I have multiple different investment options. I know that there's something that will work for you if we are a match, so please reach out below and I can't wait to hear from you. I love you.