EP029 // Are Your Priorities Gifted or Chosen? // You GET to Choose

Hey there momma! Thank you for listening.

Inspired by the blank slate of a month that I was facing on April 1 and the busy birthday week that was starting on that Monday, a message of wisdom flowed from the anxiety and the feeling of "not enough time." The message of wisdom was PRIORITIES. 

Priorities are choices.
Priorities are opportunities to flex our free will.
Priorities are opportunities to flex our self control.
Priorities are saying YES!
Priorities are saying NO.

And there are layers and layers of stories that can pop up in our minds as we ponder priorities.

For most of us, we are still operating, at least in part, on gifted priorities.
Priorities placed on things that we've been told are important; things we 'should' be doing.

And just like all things that you have been gifted.... You are not obligated to keep it. 

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Transcript

0:01

Hello. Hello. Hello listeners of piece by pieces. Hey welcome. It's actually I'm here to talk to you today. I took a little Breaky break. My daughter's birthday was the beginning of April and there was a big lead up to her birthday and there's a lot of things happening. So this did not happen, but now it's happened. So here I am. Um, you know, she turned seven which I'm gonna have an upcoming episode kind of going through. That her birthday and some deeper stuff and what turning seven means and some realizations I had as it was all unfolding. But anyway that is coming up in in a couple of episodes. the episode I have for you today is about it's about priorities which is you know on the surface like a really boring topic. It's a really boring thing. It's not something that anyone wants to like look at. and I'm there with you in a lot of ways, but I think when we when we avoid it What were what we're really doing is we are letting our personal power. slip through our fingers and yeah, so this this all came to me. Like on April 1st. you know the the Turning of a month like in the planner that I use there's like You know like a monthly review thing that I used to not even do like I used to skip right on past that like, you know, oh, it's your wins for the week. And what was what did you learn this week and this month? What was your biggest takeaways from this month? What's your status and blah blah blah, like, you know, I used to just like breeze right by that stuff and leave those pages blank because I didn't I didn't I thought it I didn't think it was stupid. Like I got it but it was like mad. I don't need that. I don't need that. I'm not gonna do it. I'm not gonna do it so it didn't. But I don't know maybe about eight months ago. Maybe more. Maybe it's been on a year. I don't really know. I started doing it. I started doing the the monthly review and sometimes I do the weekly I kind of do the weekly on my own in a different way, but the monthly review like looking back on a month because often I found myself getting to the end of the month and being like man, I am not where I thought I was gonna be I am not where I wanted to be this isn't done yet. This isn't done yet, you know, like the list of things that are not done yet was was always there and every single time that I like looked back through what what had happened in the past month. things that I had accomplished that I set out to do things that happened or realizations that happened or Epiphany is or growth things that I did not plan on happening happening and so many other things that every time I did it it gave me such a feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction and peace of like no I am I am doing this. I did do these things. And that's pretty awesome. And this particular time on April? it was this feeling of like a brand new month like it feels significant. The blank pages of a brand new month a brand new quarter in this case April brand new quarter, you know a business in the business World a new week a new day. Like yes, yes, this this actually happens every day. It actually happens every day this feeling of newness. It's not just Monday's it's not just the first of the month. It's not just some arbitrary day in the middle of winter. Meaning New Year's Day. It feels significant because it is significant. and when something feels significant so many of us that have or have had this lens of black and white this lens of All or Nothing. The that that type of thing right that feeling of significance can sometimes be immediately paired with anxiety and not enoughness. And not feeling enough. Like I hadn't hadn't even lived. The week yet, but there was already not enough of it. This was also the day before not the day before but the beginning day of the week of my daughter's birthday and like so there was um, you know, there were there were business-y things that I had wanted to accomplish there were some personal things that I wanted to accomplish there was the the planning and the buying and the organizing and the wrapping and the party stuff of everything that needed to be done. I was also we went camping for the eclipse. So the day after her birthday party we were leaving to go camping for two nights. So there was like that prep that needed to happen too. So like here I was on the Monday and I hadn't even lived that weekend. But there I was feeling like there was already not enough of it. And and feelings are real. Emotions are real thoughts are real. They are valid. They are messengers and the truth The truth is the truth. Is that that day and week just like all days and weeks. There's the same amount of days in this week as they're always is the truth is that there is the same amount of minutes in this week as they're always is and the truth is that I get to choose how to spend those minutes and days. like I always get to choose how to spend those minutes and days just like you get to choose how you spend those minutes and days just like anybody does. And this pressure this anxiety this feeling like there is more stuff to stuff and there's more more to stuff into this box than will fit that gave me like these like not enough by before I even got started the that is just a thought that that not enough feeling that is just a thought. It's just a thought inside of me carrying the wise message here of priorities priorities priorities priorities are choices. priorities are opportunities to flex our free will priorities are the opportunities to flex our self-control. Priorities are saying yes. Priorities are saying no. Priorities are saying no and yes that can that can be hard. There can be all kinds of layers go along with that and priorities are awesome saying yes. And saying yes can be hard too saying yes to the things that you do want. Because they often means saying no to something else right doesn't know he's but we play that game in our mind right priorities come with lots of stories. Our minds are filled with all kinds of information around what should be a priority should in quotation marks should and italics should and priority means it Priority a priority means it's important means it's important means it's important to you. It's something that you value. It's a priority. The missed opportunity is when we often feel like priorities control us. instead of the other way around we've been programmed since birth. Around like what is important Quinn quotes important? by our parents by our siblings by other family members teachers coaches TV music media We have been given this Vision this concept this pretty picture not sometimes not so pretty picture of like what should be important. These are the things that are important. These are the things that you should prioritize we've been gifted though. Those those are gifted priorities. Those are gifted priorities. And just like anything that you've ever been gifted. You are not obligated to keep it. You're not obligated to keep it. So setting priorities does not sound like fun to the average person. I would say. On this April 1st. It didn't sound like fun to me. It was kind of like a begrudgingly. piece of wisdom handed to me of like It's almost synonymous with like that. Grown in my head like ah. Why? and I think it's because setting priorities is often feels linked to change. And we don't like change just humans don't like change. Our body doesn't like to change our mind doesn't like change. Our thoughts will fight against change because on the other side of change, it's unfamiliar. And our brain does not like what is unfamiliar because it's not known which means it's scary. Our brain like what is familiar it like what we know. And like where we're comfortable like swear, we're safe where we know what's gonna happen. When we know what it's like we know we know and that's familiar comfortable and safe. even even if it's Not in our greatest good even if it's unhealthy, even if it's detrimental to us in so many other ways. Priority setting priorities feels linked to change and we don't like to change unless we're the ones that want the change. But don't you want your priorities? What are you prioritizing right now? Don't you want those things shouldn't the things that you prioritize be things that you want? setting priorities doesn't sound like fun because it sounds like we're gonna have to stop doing the things that we want to do and start doing things that we don't want to do and maybe maybe it does tend to feel that way on the surface. On the surface anyway. And that's just the thought that's just a belief. That's just a feeling. And it makes sense given our social conditioning of sacrifice and burdens and whose is this. What's my fault their fault? but what if but what if setting priorities Was actually the Gateway. to health and happiness What if setting priorities is actually the yellow brick road to Joy and purpose and the actual essence of life? What if saying no to the things that are draining you? things that you don't you don't actually have to do. And what if what if it's actually saying yes to the things that you do really want? Even if it's not something that you'll get with the with the snap of a fingers. What if setting priorities is gathering up all of those gifts those gifted priorities that you don't really like? That don't bring you Joy that have just been stuffed in the closet taking up space. What if you gather up all that stuff and traded it in for things that you love? If you traded it in for things that you loved or sold it and use that money to buy something that you loved or just simply Let It Go. So that that space was available for whatever something else that you love. Oh, but what about those people that gifted me? Those things won't they be hurt won't they be disappointed won't they get mad? What if they stop loving me? What if they reject me? What if they abandoned me? What if they asked me about the gift ask me if I've been using it? See me using or doing something else and and they're like but I gave you this thing. You should be using it. That's why I gave it to you. Okay, maybe sure maybe maybe but that's on them. Like that's that's them. That's them and you're not here. To fit and mold yourself. falsely to make others happy and it doesn't mean you throw it in their face and say I hate this gift. Why did you give it to me? Anyway, it's not black and white. It's not black and white you can communicate clearly and kindly that you have made a different choice. That doesn't mean that they were wrong or bad. Or that you are wrong or bad just different. And you're choosing something differently. back to that blank page that blank calendar blank month blank quarter blank gear Head of you. I don't know about you, but my perception. Is also flavored with the black and white all-or-nothing. Season the day or living your best life or shooting for the stars and all those metaphors often brings with it. At least for me. Let me know if you're different. But those things often like seem to point towards this extravagant image of something great extraordinary Instagram worthy worth wild exciting in these going all out. type of thing which is just another made-up construct. It's a pendulum swing from one side of the spectrum to the other. I was recently catching up with an old friend and I asked what they've been up to and they said nothing exciting just work and school and meals and hanging out at the house. And while I do love my exciting and I love my fun and I love my travel. I also know that life. mostly happens in the little moments life and love exists in a good morning hug life and love and purpose exists in getting your child's favorite Stuffy from the bedroom. Life exists in nourishing your body with good food. life exists and maintaining your health love exists and putting your reaction on a shelf and just being with your child that is having a hard time. Peace exists in being happy and joyful Where Are You Are? right now not wishing that you were someplace else not wishing. Everything was different. And also understanding that life is not stagnant. That there are far more every day moments. Then there are extraordinary. And maybe the sum of those everyday moments actually outweighs any and all of the extraordinary. Setting priorities often feels like being put in time out. Being sent to your room being grounded going think about what you've done and how you can make better choices. gross setting priorities for your health can can carry this voice of but we won't get to eat all the things that we love. But we won't but we'll have to get up at 6 a.m. And exercise and nobody wants to do that. We'll have to buy all new clothes because nothing will fit and I don't have money for that. But we just went grocery shopping and I'm not gonna let all this food go to waste so I'll start next week. stories There's so many stories. Setting priorities for your child's childhood probably has little to do with them. And much more to do with you. I don't believe it's found in attending the best schools having the best vacations having all the toys having the best sports equipments teams coaches going to daily activities groups and lessons. I believe setting priority for your child's childhood is them having a parent? That they need for their highest and healthiest physical mental emotional development. And that parent is the one that they have. Its you too, Mama. It's you. And I know your mama heart and you know your mama heart. Your innermost heart where your unconditional love for them lives. You know that part of you. And it may be up near the surface and it may be deep down in there, but you know it. right Don't you? Do you? And I know that you're often like an angry lava monster in the lush green Life Giving mother Island. Moana reference if he didn't catch and Here Comes Your Kids seeking connection like Moana on a wooden raft and you're throwing flaming rocks at them. That's not who you are. You Know Who You Are the highest priority for your child's childhood and not just their childhood because this is human development. This is human development foundation for the rest of their lives. It lies in you Mama. It lies in you uncovering and accessing and bombing. from your heart of hearts She's in there. She's in you. I know it. She is you. So why are you throwing flaming rocks at your kids? You get angry Lava Monster. So if you're like, how how Ashley how I'm not in lava monster, no one stole my heart. No one's trying to put it back. And if they did I'm not just gonna Sprout flowers and trees from a butt and you're right you're not. But there is some truth there, isn't that? Isn't there hidden in that metaphor? And I love you. I love your kids and I love any and all future Generations that will come from you. I also love the generations that line up behind you your parents your grandparents great grandparents. It's crazy when you think about it, don't do it. All those people behind you that led up to you and all the people that will come from you into the future. And here you are you're right here right now mama. Here you are. You are right here right now. Here you are. And maybe it's time for you to course, correct? Because some things have definitely gone wonky. Not just in you but in past generations and in the world and society and culture and you you feel it in your bones. Sometimes it keeps you up at night. And your motherhood doesn't have to be like this. And neither does their childhood. and if this is you want to invite you to click the link below that's in the show notes below. to apply for a free DM conversation with me to uncover What's blocking you what could be blocking you from having a guilt-free? Enjoy full motherhood and childhood. It's free zero pressure just a gentle loving conversation. With me and if you're interested in taking any additional stuff beyond that, I have various options from minimal time energy money commitments to go in all in. Let's turn this ship around. There is something that'll work for you. I know it because I just find it this way. I can't wait to hear from you. Click the link below and let's chat. You are the one. And now is the time. I have an awesome week and I'll see you on the next episode of Peace by pieces unpacking The Human Experience. Thank you so much for listening. Bye.