EP030 // Allowing Your House to Have a Yellow Door // Empowered Whole Hearted Mom

This episode is a journey that could have many titles....

• There are many correct ways to behave
• How to stop banging your head against the same wall over and over again.
• how yo navigate the vast and exciting sea of possibilities
• how to let your heart lead the way
• how to trust yourself
• how to build a house, how to traverse a trail, how to respond to a block in the path, how to build a bridge,
• the nuance of choice

but I decided on Allowing Your House to Have a Yellow Door.

The build up to the yellow door was fascinating for me to listen to, and I'm the one that wrote it.
Come with me, lets go. I love you.

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Transcript

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Hi, it's editing Ashley here to start us off this week. This episode could have had many names from there are many correct ways to behave to how to stop banging your head against the same wall over and over again. How to navigate the vast and exciting sea of possibilities. How to let your heart lead the way. How to trust yourself. How to build a house. How to navigate a trail. How to respond to a block in the path. How to build a bridge. The nuance of choice. But I decided on allowing your house to have a yellow door. And the build up to the yellow door was fascinating for me to listen to. And I'm the one who wrote it. So come with me. Let's go. I love you. Hello, hello, and welcome to this episode of Piece by Pieces Unpacking the Human Experience. I'm your host, Ashley, and I'm so happy that you're here. I hope you are doing well. Mean that today, today, like the rest of the season, we're gonna be talking about this journey that I'm on, that you're on as a mom, this journey of the human experience. Because, you know, we have this misconception that like at 18 we're grown, that at the age of 18 we are adults, that we have developed that we are done. And that's just false. It's just false. It's just false. Our brain isn't even fully developed until until we're like between 25 and 28, depending on the person. Then of course, especially as women, you know, like we mature in in our physical bodies and in our emotional bodies, then, you know, we have, if we choose to, we, we have children. If you're here, if you're listening, you have, you have children, Your mom, we chose to have children. And so that was a transition that our body went through. That was, that was part of our human experience. That was part of our maturation. That was that's part of our human development. It's part of this it's part of this life then when a when a baby is born a mom is born too. You weren't a mom before. I was not a mom before. So there's this wide open journey that lays ahead of us when that that moment we become a mom that we start that starts taking shape and and we have all these new experiences and we're and we're growing and we're learning and we're setting priorities and making choices and and all of this stuff And you know and then of course beyond that like there's there's this growth and development that happens in us as moms as our children grow and develop. And then, you know, we go through menopause where that's another huge change, another milestone in our human development. And then, you know, then our kids move out and we're an empty nest. Like there's there's this whole, you know, journey path laid out ahead of us, yet we're sold this concept of like, oh, when you're 18, you're an adult, good luck, you're you're expected to do all of these things. And and it's also this, I think it's a piece of why we value youth so much. And I mean, like, you know, 18 to 25 years, especially as women, again, the looks of youth, the strength of youth, the energy of youth, you know, all this stuff. Because we've been set up to believe that like that that's our prime time, those are our prime years, whatever. Anyway, so we're on this journey, you know and and you and me with with kids. We've got young kids. Maybe you you have like younger kids. Maybe you're a a new mom. My daughter just turned 7. So that's like a big developmental milestone for her and and sometimes when we're on this journey and especially women like you moms like you that are. I don't know. You might call yourself a cycle breaker or you know you're you're choosing you're aiming to to parent in a different way then maybe the way that you were or the way that. Society does or you know a lot of a lot of things. You've you're probably on like your own healing journey, maybe you've gone to therapy, maybe you've done some programs or courses or whatever. You're just like aware. You're self aware of a lot of stuff, right? And and when we're on a journey like that too, like sometimes we we, we hit these blocks, we hit these blockages. Now I'm going to, I'm going to kind of shift into like a hiking metaphor here. But it really lines up. I love my metaphor. As you know, if you've been listening for any amount of time, that's just the way that my, my, my odd HD brain works. Sometimes when you reach a blockage in a path, you know you're hiking, there's something that's blocking your path. Sometimes you climb over it, Sometimes you crawl under it. Sometimes you break it up with a chainsaw and remove it or an axe. Sometimes you go around it, Sometimes you turn back. Sometimes you find another way, sometimes you give up. And all of these are correct. Like, whoa, right? All of these are correct. Depending on you. Depending on where you are. Depending on your skills, depending on your emotional state at the time. Depending on the tools that you have available to you, Depending on what what what this blockage is, what this blockage is and what it calls for, and that deep and wide sea of possibilities it is, is there for you, right? Does it depend? Does your action in those moments? Does it depend on what's on the other side? Like if you're trying to get to like a really awesome waterfall? Like, are you more likely to, you know, to go through some discomfort to get to that really awesome waterfall? Or that, you know, untouched beach that's on the other side of this? Or or something else that's really cool to you? What if you don't know what's on the other side of this blockage? What if? What if you extend all that effort for nothing? You know? Have you ever had that thought? Like what? What am I actually doing this for? What if this is all for nothing? What if? What if? Right? But it's never for nothing. And even if there is, you know, quote nothing on the other side of this, of getting over this blockage, you you get the experience of overcoming an obstacle. And that alone is a thing, right? That alone is a thing. It builds resilience, it builds confidence. It it gives you an experience of like, wow, I made it. I did that. I did that. That's awesome. Did it. Now, I mentioned tools. A chainsaw is a tool. An axe is a tool. Sometimes when you reach a blockage you you seek out tools. Sometimes you seek out people, other people to help you. Sometimes it's not a tree that's blocking your path. Sometimes it's a Canyon. Sometimes you have to climb down into the Canyon and then climb back up. Sometimes you're standing there at the edge of the Canyon, and you and you happen to look over, 'cause you're looking around and you see a bridge that's just, you know, 100 feet over there and you're like, oh, well, that that's a lot easier than going down in the Canyon and working my way back up. Sometimes there is no bridge, but you build a bridge. Sometimes you build, you build that bridge, and sometimes you take steps of faith on nothing but air and walk in this path, this journey. If you're unconscious and you're unaware of what's going on, it's like walking blindfolded. It's like it's like a a robot with a program, unaware that that it's a robot with a program. It just goes and it and you bang your head on the same wall over and over again and you fall into the same pit over and over again and it and it and it gets back up and it does the exact same thing. And that's the definition of insanity, right? Or at least we're told that like that attributed to Einstein. It's probably one of those quotes that's falsely attributed. Who knows, right? Who knows? But the doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results, not changing anything but expecting there to be changes and we like this. Nuance, we've been told this, this nuance, we've been told this nuance our whole life. Like in the forms of you can be anything that you want to be, you can achieve anything that you believe that you can, You can do it, put your back into it, keep your focus and you'll get there. Whatever you believe you can achieve, follow your heart. The answer is always inside of you, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera. Like movies and media and storybooks are filled with this message, right. And we really like it. It makes us feel really good. It makes us feel like you can reach for the stars and actually grab them, right. And we tell these things to our children just like we were told them as children and and all that and and that's great. I'm not I hope you're understanding. I'm not downplaying that because that's that's that's what's that's what's true. Honestly. Whatever that means for for us you know got throwback to my priorities episode before this. You know that can mean that can mean lots of things for different people. You know, my, my, I can be anything I want to be. Might might be a podcast host, and that may be something that you're completely uninterested in. Maybe you want to be a doctor. Maybe you want to be an artist. Maybe you want to live in the woods and and you know, pick berries and live off the land and that's awesome. Maybe you want to travel around the world. Maybe you want to, you know, have a homestead and and have a big family. I mean literally infinite possibilities, right? And none of them are wrong. They're all correct. They're all correct for the correct person. So that nuance of you can be anything you want to be, that there are infinite choices ahead of you. We like that. And if ours perception of self trust, if your perception of self trust has never been eroded, then then that nuance is great because we know our heart, we hear our heart, we follow our heart. This is when our perception of self trust has never been eroded. In that case'cause we are born, when we're born we have self trust, we know it, we know it, it's there, it's solid as a rock underneath of us. And things that happen after that moment of birth is what it is, right? So if our self trust has never been eroded, then this nuance that we can do and be anything that we want that comes from our hearts, that's great because we know our heart, we hear our heart, we follow our heart, we trust our heart. We walk the path of our heart and our mind, our beliefs and our thoughts support our heart and our hearts path. And that's awesome, because then you know there's no doubt, there's No Fear, there's no uncertainty, there's no insecurities. There's no there's no doubts that I already say that. There's no talking yourself out of of what your heart actually wants. And if you've picked up programming of self doubt, if yourself trust has been eroded, it makes it all a lot harder, because you know your heart, but you hide it. You've experienced pain in your life by following your heart. Maybe your three-year old heart wanted to play in the mud without giving a single thought to you. Had your Sunday's best clothing on that was covering your physical body. Your little 3 year old heart wanted to play in the mud. You hear your heart, but whatever you've shared what your heart says, you've been told. That's stupid. Why would you do that? This is what you should do. This is what I would do. This is what you're supposed to do when you've picked up programming of self doubt and yourself trust has been eroded. You feel that your heart wants you to follow it. But when you've done that in the past, you were shamed. What were you thinking? You should have known. You were punished, ridiculed, rejected. Sent to your room. Go to time out bed with dinner, grounded for two weeks. Think about what you've done and how you can make better choices. Maybe you were physically hit with a belt or a switch, a paddle, a spoon, a chancla Part of you wants to trust your heart. But you've experienced all kinds of pain by trusting your heart inflicted on you, by those around you, with their words, with their actions, with their behaviors, with their withdrawal of love, with the things that they didn't. And do because of you following your heart. But the heart doesn't stop talking. It doesn't stop feeling. It doesn't stop trying to guide you. It doesn't stop shining. Just like the sun. Sun's always shining. We can't always see it, but it's always out there, shining. But your brain, your brain, your mind, your beliefs, your thoughts, your learning, your imprints from your experiences, your lived experiences, your neural connections made in protection from pain to keep you in line, to shove your heart into a box and you tell it no. Nope. Not this time. Remember last time? We're not doing that again. We're not doing that again. And you end up walking this path of perceived safety, and it's flat, and there's bumpers and walls and there's no leave in the path. You're contained. It's crowded. Because you're not the only one that this happens too. There's a whole bunch of us. It's crowded with others. And that actually gives you a sense of comfort, makes you feel like you're doing the right thing. That you're not alone. That you're doing what you're supposed to be doing. That you're, you know, if you're checking the boxes, you're following the rules, you're you're doing what's expected. You are satisfying expectations because you're doing the same thing as the people around you, all those people around you shoved into that box. And then you see someone that is outside of these confines, they're doing things differently. You see them out there. And again, this is like a physical metaphor, but also not meaning all types of ways. And at first you see that person and you judge them. You judge them as bad. Who do they think they are? Oh, my God, they're going to get hurt. And then we'll say, well, I'll say you told I told you so. Maybe I won't say I told you so. They're stupid. Gosh, that's risky. Why would they do that? That's not what we're supposed to do. Didn't they see the signs? Didn't they read the books? Didn't their parents tell them not to do that? What did they? What kind of house did they grow up in? My gosh, don't they know the rules? You and the other people around you try to convince them to come back in the zone to safety, come back over here, come back into the confines, come back into the crowd. But they don't. They run free, following their heart. And while you see it as reckless and irresponsible, there's a part of you that wants to be free, too. Your heart knows that you're not meant to be inside this cage of safety and fear with all these other people all living the same compromised, flavorless life. You're meant to be out there, finding your other path, creating your own path. And there are so many flavors of this. There's so many flavors, colors, textures of this lived human experience. From these from the words that you speak to the clothes that you wear, to your daily habits, to how you pass your time and what shows you watch. If you watch, do you dance? Do you sing? Do you play music? Do you draw, paint, or create? What holidays do you celebrate? The way that you celebrate those holidays. How much you spend on gifts or not. Your religion or not. The food that you eat. The places that you go. The things that you value. The way that you express your emotions. The way that you decorate your house. The way that you keep your house. Your health, your work, your friends, your weekends, your money, your parenting. Now you're here right now, listening to me. In one way or another, you're here because in one way or another, you know that the mental imprint that you were given about how to be a parent, what it means to be a mom, what it means to be a quote good mom, what it means to be a good kid and what it means to have good kids is not what you want to pass on to your children. But there are pieces of that imprint that are in conflict with the truth of your heart. But there are parts of that given gifted imprint that you wish to release. Shift, change, reframe, leave behind. Transform. Transmute, whatever word feels good to you. There are parts of that default imprint, of parenting, of mommy, of raising children, of being a child that you were given that you would like to pluck out of your imprints and replace with chosen pieces and parts. Creating your own chosen imprint. A new default. An imprint that is in alignment with your heart. You're here because you're choosing to do this differently. You're here because you are stepping out of the confines of those ropes, of the crowds of safety. You're here because you have perceived safety. Perceived safety. You're here because you want to choose. You want to create chosen, heart centered habits, thoughts, behaviors, beliefs, chosen neural connections, chosen values, chosen priorities to set forth new ripples of being into the next generation and future generations instead of repeating the same old shit. You want to evolve. You want your heart to lead the way in this greatest natural, instinctual opportunity that a human gets to experience wholehearted, unconditional love. Just motherhood. This is the greatest meaning, like, biggest the biggest opportunity to experience this and to give it and to be and create this environment of unconditional love. You want to mom with your heart and not lead with your protected, protective, boarded up, punishing, punitive, punitive, punitive, imprinted, outdated parenting pathways that your mind and nervous system have learned through your lived experience to ensure your survival. It's all for a purpose. It all carries a purpose. But that doesn't mean that you have to keep carrying it. It's served its purpose back then. You're a grown adult now, and you get to choose. You are here because you want to break those change chains. The buck stops here to make a stand, to make a choice to do this differently. You want to go someplace that you've never gone. And just like doing anything that you've never done before, information and tools and support can be crucially helpful in the success of this endeavor. You can minimize the wrong turns, minimize the backtracks, minimize the stuckness, minimize the doubts and the fears, minimizing the guilt and the shame, minimizing the detrimental imprints that continue and maximizing the beneficial imprints. Maximizing the personal power and autonomy and choice and self esteem and self belief and self trust for you in you and your children. Their self trust, their self esteem, their knowingness to follow their heart, their ability to choose. Maximizing the bang for the buck. Maximizing the results and effort, maximizing ease. Maximizing trust and faith. Maximizing love and peace and joy and patience and kindness and goodness and gentleness and self-control. Maximizing courage and confidence and intuition and instinct. Maximizing the voice of the heart over the voice of fears, while also holding space for those fears, 'cause, like I said, they're there for a reason, but that doesn't mean that they control you. This is your purpose. This is your mission and no one can do this for you. No one can do this for you. No one can do this for you. You are the one that you've been waiting for and and you don't have to do it alone. You don't have to do it alone. You don't have to do it alone, empty handed, blindfolded, naked. You want to build a House of love. You want to build a new House of love for yourself, for your family, for your children and their children. This house is unique. This house has never been built before. This house is for you and by you. And houses go up easier with tools and supplies and support and guidance. And you get to choose. Houses go up faster when you trust that that yellow front door that your heart really wants, even though the neighbor doesn't understand why and why it can't be brown just like everyone else's. And instead of putting up that yellow door, then doubting it and taking it back down and trying on the brown one because that it's just it's just not right. And then painting it blue, Maybe that'll be OK, 'cause it's still a color, but it's not yellow. And maybe the neighbor will be OK with that. But then you put the blue one up and it's like, it's still not yellow. I want yellow. Yellow is what I want. And then going back to the yellow, owning the yellow, loving the yellow, knowing that the yellow is right for you and your family, allowing your house to have a yellow. Yellow door Building a house goes a lot easier when you know what you want and you just do it and you trust yourself. Same goes for parenting and type of food that you eat and how you spend your day and your moments and your days and your years. This life most of us are drawn to and fascinated by houses with unique characteristics, colors, features, quirks, personality. Yet most of us default into cookie cutter because it's safe. It doesn't draw attention, positive or negative, it just blends in part of the crowd. Now, I can keep growing with these metaphors because there's so many and my brain just connects them all. But if you're still here, you're still here because you seek to break cycles of generational trauma patterns, beliefs, behaviors, curses, culture, whatever words speak to you here, you're still here because there's something different that you want for yourself, for your motherhood, for your family, for your children, for their children than what you experienced. And you don't have to do it alone. And you don't have to do this. Fighting your brain and fighting your thoughts and fighting your nervous system. There is a way with much more ease. That's why I created my joyous mom accelerator and my other programs, workshops and tools. I have options for minimal pay what you can to I'm going all in Ashley, let's do this. And all of them are helpful. All of them are life giving. And it all starts with applying for a free DM conversation with me and my team. It's free. The link is below. In the show notes you just answer some questions about where you are right now in this motherhood journey, your human experience journey, and where you'd like to be. And we chat and we see if there's some matches there and if we're a good fit. We talk about what the options are and if we are a good fit. There's something that'll work for you. I know it, I know it. I know it because I engineered it that way to make this as accessible as possible. So click that link below and take the first step. There's no obligation. I'm all about you exercising your personal power and your free will, which is the opposite of coercion and manipulation like this is 0 pressure. You make the best decisions for you and your family. I'm excited to hear from you. Let's go. Let's do this. Mama, I love you. I love you. I love your children. I love your future generations if they choose to have children. And thank you so much for listening and I can't wait to hear from you. Let's talk.