EP033 // Unbox Your Joy and Allow Joyful Kids

If joy for you is something fleeting, have a listen..
If you find yourself annoyed by joyful children, have a listen...
If joy is something you roll your eyes at, have a listen...
If joy is something you want more of, have a listen...

If you've ever been a child before, have a listen...

If you're responsible for children now, have a listen...

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Transcript

0:00

hello and welcome to this episode of you outside the box the podcast unpacking you unpacking the human experience today we're gonna talk about joy and unpacking your joy and i just have a question for you is is joy um even a goal or a desire for you does that does that even speak to you is that something that you want more of is that something that you already have is that something that you already get to experience in most of your days do you even know that it's possible do you even know what it's like to to be in joy with your life to live it and if stick with me here because if if you're like man i don't really care stay with me and if you're like yeah that's that's really just not available to me to me ashley like you don't know my life stick with me here and if you're like you know life isn't all sunshine and rainbows ashley stick with me here okay so i want you to like think back think back if you can to the last time that you had tried true joyful self expression what comes to mind does anything come to mind how old were you how long ago was that and what happened and i want you to imagine or think back or remember like what it was like to have a joy joyful expression to experience joy to create joy to be in joy of something in your life when you were a child now if you're like me you are a millennial you were probably raised by baby boomers and whether and there was like this leftover whether whether it was still very cemented in in them in in your parents or it was like this remnant that just kept showing its face because that's what they grew up in but it's this idea that you know children are to be seen and not heard and joy is usually not quiet sometimes some flavors of joy are quiet but as a child it's generally not so i'm thinking and you can tell me if i'm right or wrong here but that when you were a child you and you and you felt you had true joyful self expression you were probably punished or shunned you know turned away from or maybe sent to your room or something or or given the eye like better straighten up like that you know you know the eye the look given the look of like you know or at the very least hushed for being too loud for being too much right and over and over again your joy and i'm not talking about like the character equivalent to the inside out character i'm not that's not what i'm talking it's not like it's not like a person or a figure living in your head you know like that that's not i'm talking about but like you're that emotion that some would say frequency some would say vibration some would say all kinds of words to express this like state of joy joy when you were a kid because of all of that punished shunned given the look or at least hushed right it got your joy locked into a cage deep in your amygdala this is my theory okay so like yes the amygdala is what we call like the threat center of the brain neuroscientists and nervous system experts and personal development gurus you know like to talk about the amygdala as like the monkey brain with its irrational fears and ingrained stories of doom and gloom that keep us living small and inside the lines and inside the boxes as like it's a flashing red light that spins and sounds a siren due to a real or perceived threat that activates our fight or flight system and our flight or flight response and all too often for many people and for some that spinning light is stuck in its on position now that that's an often talked about frame of reference of how to open the doors and enlighten your mind to for some self awareness of looking at like what's happening in your body and what's happening in your nervous system and i do believe all those things to be true and i know i know all of that to be true and i also believe that the amygdala is where unbridled joy comes through hear me out because babies you think about a baby most babies when the baby is fed and slept and clean and loved so like all of those buckets are already filled up and even sometimes like when the buckets aren't always filled up they still have this capacity for limitless expression of joy and that illustrates that joy is a part of our very first brain the most underdeveloped part of our brain when we are very very young is still capable of this feeling and expression of joy our very first brain our bottom brain our monkey brain that joy is not something that develops with the logical mind it's not a yes or no question it's not black and white it's not binary it's not any of that it's not something that comes through from a thought of i should be happy here you know that it's not a result of the thinking mind joy is something that flows that flows joy is around us all the time it is available all the time it's like the air that you breathe it's around you all the time and unlike the automatic breathing that occurs without you having to logically and consciously think about it we have most of us most of us have been conditioned to lock up our joy we've been conditioned to believe that it is dangerous for us to feel joy hear me out that joy is too loud and when i'm saying these things think about a child think about a three year old a four year old a five year old a six year old that is experiencing pure joy and in a moment of joy what brings them joy okay think about when i'm saying these things think about that scene and surrounded by adults okay let me not like surrounded by it but like you know their parents are in the room or maybe they're grandparents or other extended family or teachers or whomever okay you've been conditioned that joy is dangerous that joy is too loud that joy is too much too much energy that your joy is inconvenient to others that your joy makes others feel bad and sad you know think about i know this has happened in well it was my sister's life it was a neighbor but i've heard this a lot that like you know your children playing in the backyard and the grumpy neighbor on the other side of the fence get mad because your your kids are loud and laughing i mean it's because they have that that older person that adult has a very low tolerance for joy think about that where did that come from right and that those children's joy is an inconvenience to them maybe it's an inconvenience to to the parents you know maybe they're trying to do work or maybe they're trying trying to have a phone call or whatever and the kids are just laughing and having a good time enjoy and they're loud or there's too much energy you know they're running around the house or they're running around outside you know that there's this full expression of joy happening and we learn that your joy makes others feel bad and sad that your joy angers others that your joy makes a mess that your joy diverts your attention from the task at hand you know think about a child who's supposed to be sitting there reading a book or doing homework or cleaning their room or even playing a game like i have this has happened with me and my daughter but we were a couple weeks ago actually we were sitting down we were playing the game of life which i loved playing as a kid and so we're doing this joyful activity this game and she's having like extra joy on top of it you know like she's playing around with the characters and like creating stories and then pet and the cat and you know just kind of being that and like my task oriented brain kicks in and i'm like it's your turn baby it's your turn are you gonna go do you want me to spend for you you know like and to where the point where i saw it click in her face like this isn't fun for me anymore because of me because of because of my response to her and seeing that click on her face immediately clicked in my heart like ashley relax you're playing a game like this is not it's not a life or death situation it's not something that needs to be such a strong black or white let's stay on task let's do this thing you know and get this over with this you're sitting here playing a game with your daughter right so we were instilled with these messages of your joy makes a mess your joy diverts your attention from the task at hand your joy is not productive your joy is the opposite of useful don't play with your food right that your joy is frivolous or that the things that bring you joy as a child shouldn't that that's the wrong type of joy that the thing that brings you joy is not productive and therefore it's a waste of time or that you have a special talent that also brings you joy and that is seen as productive and so it's monetized in some way you know sucking the joy out of it longer is it something that you do because you want to do it and that you do enjoy do in you know in the state of joy it's now work it's something that you have to do and your source of joy has become an obligation now all of this was shaped in the first seven years of your life the neural connections in your brain were made and pruned and then they were reinforced and strengthened in all the years after those first seven and now you're twenty thirty forty something years old and the mom of young children other humans in their first seven years of life and your joy all of it most of it part of it is locked up somewhere deep inside with a sign outside that says unsafe you want to feel the joy the joy comes sometimes and it's so strong that it brings you to tears just how beautiful this life is and then you shake it off and shove it in a box and you disallow it you don't allow it because it's not safe for you to feel joy there's this ingrained instilled imprinted belief deep inside of you that it's not safe that you will be rejected that it's associated with pain and your brain steers you away from pain and right now you are on the brink of repeating this cycle this pattern this spiral in this next generation of humans that you have been entrusted with you are on the brink of that you are right here this is where it happens this is where it happens you are on the brink of instilling that same shit into your kids and it feels heavy because it is it's important things that are important are heavy and might i suggest that there is another way there's another way and you get to choose there's another way free flowing expression and emotion of true joy is not something that you can learn in a book it is not something that you can uncover in weekly therapy sessions it's not something that you can self medicate yourself into true expression and emotion of joy is not something that five days at the beach will fix it's not something that anyone else can unlock for you i can help you though i can show you the way it's kind of like elsa in frozen 2 if you've been a listener for any length of time you know that it's not a podcast unless i reference at least one disney movie so it's kind of like elsa in frozen 2 going to hatha holland following the voice something that she believes is outside of herself something that she's been looking for are you the one that i've been waiting for all of my life show yourself right and then it's her it's her herself it's her you are the one that you've been waiting for all of your life and what happens next she uncovers the truth from a very real moment in time not something imaginary not something made up not something that a book or a podcast even or a therapy session could reveal to her she uncovers the truth from a very real moment in time and then with the help of anna the two sides of the same bridge they write a wrong from the past and set everyone free they don't just set themselves free although it's a big deal for them personally and in their family but they set everyone free lift the curse from the forest they reunite people they set everyone free because this isn't just about you though you are the chosen one here now i have a map i have supplies i am your guide okay ashley so what does all this mean outside of the metaphor of a disney movie or maps and spies and guides what does it all mean so in plain terms as plain as i can make them really i'm a hypnotherapist i'm a hypnotherapist now in my previous career i was a professional engineer a professional civil engineer and these two things are totally connected though they may not seem as so i have engineered paths for you to safely explore your subconscious mind to uncover the very real moments in time and to right the wrongs a very specific opportunity for you to right the wrongs that happened big and small you know sometimes our mind runs away with this and we think that it's like you know like big t trauma stuff that we're gonna uncover and i'm telling you most often it is not most often it is not most often it is something literally as small as you were having fun playing with a ball in the living room having a ball laughing and you know developing this stuff story in this game in your own mind and you were laughing and being loud and there was an adult there that was annoyed with you being loud with you doing nothing other than playing with a ball and that something might be broken so they yelled at you and told you to stop and maybe took away your ball and in that moment you learned that your joy is an inconvenience to others that it can cause others pain and that it should be stopped because if others are feeling pain and they are the ones that are directly here for you to feed you to give you shelter to give you shoes and clothes you are actually dependent on these people for your survival and your joy is causing them pain and then you eventually learn over time to lock that joy up now these paths that i have engineered for you to explore your subconscious mind it can be things like that it can also be pure joy moments in time where nothing bad happened but it's just reminding you that you are capable of feeling that joy alright so i've engineered these paths for you to safely explore your subconscious mind to uncover these very real moments in time and to right the wrongs or to connect again with those emotions in the first place energetically emotionally mentally rewiring your neural connections and opening cages and building bridges to allow the free flow of joy and peace and patience and play and love and happiness and generosity and trust and self control that will absolutely fundamentally sustainably shift the way you live as a soul having a human experience and the perspective and priorities you allow to lead you parenting nurturing and guiding your young children now now in the show notes below there is a link to apply for my joyous mom activator program applying is free it just opens the door to a dm conversation with me or my team to identify the bottleneck for what you desire in your motherhood experience and for their childhood you'll also get access to some free resources and special applicant only special offers for my range of programs no matter your economic status i have something that is available to you i engineered it that way just reach out apply below and if for whatever reason that just doesn't align with you right now i get it that's totally okay because i trust you to make the best decisions for you you know best you can subscribe to this podcast if you feel called to do that or follow us on instagram at ashley inner sunshine i love you i love your kids let's evolve this human experience and activate joy i'm excited to hear from you