EP034 // If You're Ever Going to Have a 7 Year Old Child

If you are ever going to have 7 year old child... Have a listen

If you already have a 7 year old child... Have a listen

If you were ever a 7 year old child... Have a listen

If you know anyone that was ever a 7 year old child... have a listen

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Transcript

0:00

hello hey there it's ashley and welcome to the you outside the box podcast unpacking the human experience and this is a doozy of an episode i'm so happy that you're here let's get into it i've titled this episode if you're ever gonna have a seven year old if you're ever gonna have a seven year old and even if your kids are already older than seven stay stick around have a listen because this still applies and you can still benefit from this conversation as you know because i've mentioned it several times my daughter recently turned seven and i've been promising an episode about her birthday since april because age seven is such a big milestone in brain development and self promotion perception and emotional development and knowing this i had been anticipating this transition but i hadn't really realized that i was also entering into a new stage of motherhood so what happens around the age of seven this is what's happening inside their brain they are on the backside of the time in their life where the greatest amount of brain development occurs the blueprint the roadmap the imprint of their brain is more or less set and they will continue to use that blueprint that roadmap that imprint they will use and build upon those established neural connections for the rest of their lives and this is what i call the subconscious mind think of it like a computer operating system now if you're feeling a little bit of anxiety building in you like a little bit of oh shit cause maybe your kids are older than seven or maybe they're really close to seven and you're like oh i didn't know take a deep breath these neural connections can be shifted throughout their life should they choose to do so this is called neuroplasticity i myself did not shift my own subconscious mind until you know a number of years ago i was in my late 30s so it is available at any time and to continue on this path also by the age of seven the conscious logical mind or the prefrontal cortex is starting to come more online it started its slow development process around the age of five and it's actually not complete until around age 28 so maybe some of you listening still have developing brains or a newly complete brain and congratulations like that's a really big deal it's a really big deal so also around the age of seven the logical mind is starting to work more it's starting to have its own role in the mental and thinking processes and this is more than the ability to learn academics or to apply and utilize information that it has learned before the brain starts to extrapolate and overlap information and this is not just in the academic realm this development broadens your child's perception abilities now they are able to imagine how they are perceived now they are in short self conscious which isn't good bad right or wrong it just is it's something that every human being passes through and has think of it like this for most of the years before age seven the child is operating from an alpha brain wave state the lower brain the instinctual self some would say the true authentic self and i believe that to be true they are like baby animals or puppies or deer they don't think the way an adult would think and it's not that they're stupid it is what is appropriate for that stage of development they are fully in their instinctual and feeling minds logic is not present you've no doubt witnessed that when trying to reason a toddler out of a tantrum it just simply does not work they are not capable of utilizing those parts of their mind so for example they run into a playground and they just play moving seamlessly from thing to thing they don't sit and analyze and ponder should i go down the slide first or do i shoo it should i do the monkey bars first or the swings what is the best use of my time they don't have those thoughts they just go they get the automatic urge to run and they don't stop to think first like oh wait am i in a safe space or am i in a parking lot will my mom be running with me or is there something dangerous over there in the place that i am running to they don't have those thoughts these are all logical mind processes this ability to think before acting around age 7 is also when the thinking brain comes online they have a growing capacity for these more complex thinking structures which is great because you don't really have to worry about them running off in a parking lot anymore and another piece of it is that you'll probably get a lot more i'm bored or i don't know what to do and that word board probably triggers you like it did me and your mind goes into board how on earth can you be bored look at all these toys you have so much to play with and then you probably list at least a dozen different options of things that they could do and they say node all of them and then you tell them to go outside and they say they don't want to launch into well when i was your age mom put me outside in the morning and told me not to come back until sundown and i just figured out how to entertain myself it's our version of walking uphill both ways in a foot of snow to get to school right as they are more capable of doing things themselves bathing cleaning up dressing getting food etc they naturally become more independent they start to detach from you they become less obsessed with you mom mom look at me look at me watch me watch me mom mom mom that lessons and in plain terms they could probably survive on their own if they had to whereas before age seven or so they could not now back to the self conscious thing in the entering the new stage of motherhood they can now distinguish that not everybody thinks like them meaning that not everyone perceives like they do and others can perceive them and that others have different opinions around things like their physical appearance or what they know or don't know or the kind of shoes they have or where they live etc and with that the next layer is added to comparison which is judgment because comparison by itself is is actually not the root of any kind of evil we do it all the time these pants are red those pants are blue you are tall i am short he likes cars i like dolls this cup is bigger than that cup if you look through any preschool workbook there are sheets and sheets of compare and contrast it's the next layer that causes the problems the judgment the judgment that this is good and the other is bad this one is better judgment of superiority and inferiority the first episode of this podcast is all about this phenomena if you want more discussion on this for your own benefit and this leads into the next moming challenges like your daughter telling you that she doesn't think she's pretty and that they're going through a natural detachment and that they still maybe greatly value your wisdom but they are also aware of the world and their peers and other people's perceptions and you can no longer fix their tears with a kiss of a boo boo and mama unfortunately this is when many moms really start longing for those younger years when it was quote easier now if you're in the younger years you might be thinking easier but i understand or this is unfortunately the time where many swamps start feeling guilt for being totally touched out when their kids were younger and wanted nothing more than to lay on top of them and now you're the one that's asking for hugs and not them this is next level moming stuff it's like by this time that we've finally and fully settled into this next stage of our own life by the time we've settled into our mother era they're already grown and that's one side of why it is so important to settle your mind your emotions and your being into this stage of motherhood that you are in now right now for your own well being and motherhood experience to accept and be here right now and if that's something that you struggle with i can help because you mama being mentally present conscious responsive calm confident nurturing attuned and prioritizing connection with your child in those first seven years benefits you and it benefits your children it's actually crucial for their optimal mental and emotional health and even though at seven and beyond the logical mind is online and expanding the underlying emotional operating system that was formed before in those first seven years their subconscious mind is still dictating their 95 percent of their thoughts their words their feelings actions emotions behaviors etc and that continues forever because that is still true for me at age 41 it is still true for my dad at age 72 and it is true for you today so mama i've got some questions when is the best time that makes the most sense to prepare for the reality of giving birth it's while you're pregnant right it wouldn't make much sense to prepare for birth five years earlier or five years later when is the best time that makes the most sense to inform yourself about breastfeeding and lactation and milk production and latching styles and different postures when is the best time to do that it would be before or during the time in which you are actually breastfeeding right and then this does come more natural and more automatic to some than others i myself was so focused on preparing for birth that i just placed my faith in my body and my baby to naturally figure out the breastfeeding but i didn't even have clothes that i could breastfeed in i hadn't prepared for that i had one nursing tank and that's it so even if my milk had been abundant and even if she didn't have trouble latching i still hadn't prepared myself for what i needed and if you didn't breastfeed or that topic triggers you or makes you feel judged or less than in any way please accept the reminder that you make the best decisions for you and your family we are all doing the best that we can at any given time and different structure different folks there are many correct ways to behave there are many correct ways to live own your choices as they are these choices that were the best for you and your family and that's really it but this is just for illustration for expression of this concept this idea the best time the best time that makes the most sense the time that is most beneficially impactful towards the chosen value in goal to be fully present and informed and educated about breastfeeding and to know how to advocate and communicate for yourself and your child that is now outside of your body which is totally different than them being inside is while you're breastfeeding the best time to be fully present with your infant and advocate and communicate your needs and your infant's needs and developments and not only the information outside of you aka the things that you've learned and been told but also your inner knowing your mama instincts your intuition the things that you just know to be true for you and your child the best time to be fully present with that and to communicate those needs is when you're in it it's when they are infants or toddlers or preschoolers or seven or preteens or teens the best time to study for an exam is before the exam the best time to pack is right before the trip it wouldn't really make sense to pack for a trip months or years ahead of time and even if you pack nothing or don't pack some things you can always pick them up along the way right so when is the best time for you to be fully present informed and regulated yourself you with a regulated nervous system you with emotional regulation abilities you with confidence in yourself and your ability to nurture and support and advocate for build a solid ground underneath your toddler or preschooler providing them with their optimal development and growth in all the ways not just abcs and 123s but far more importantly their emotional development when is the best time for you to cogregulate with them so that they can in the future have emotional regulation skills gifting them a secure attachment instead of anxious or avoidant that will follow them through life when is the best time for you modeling clear kind communication skills with other humans when is the best time for you to allow them to be children allowing them to be right here right now exactly as they are instead of wishing that they were bigger or more capable or expecting them to be capable of things that they do not yet have the hardware to support when is the best time to do that it's always been interesting to me how many parents are constantly wishing and waiting for that next stage for them to be older more developed while also simultaneously grieving that they aren't babies anymore pushing them to be more independent many times ahead of what is developmentally appropriate and then wishing that they could go back and just hold them cradle them and sniff their head again all of that this life these moments your early motherhood and their early childhood can be more peaceful for you and for them when my daughter was young see people and they would perform the socially acceptable script of oh my gosh she's gotten so big and my response was always yeah they grow it's what they do i have a whole episode on that too because you can deny that it's happening or you can be asleep to it but it doesn't really change the reality of what is happening and i know that you're consciously trying to do things differently mama you want better for your kids than you had most of our parents had that goal too but it was more physical in nature shoes clothes food opportunities experiences vacations etc healthy emotional development was not the focus of our parents it's our focus it's your focus it's your focus it's your focus it's your focus so you've read some books you've listened to podcast you follow accounts but all of that information is valuable and it is also of the five percent mind information it's floating there in your logical mind it does not seep down into your 95 percent mind into your subconscious mind and sometimes that information falls into a feeling of just tell me what to do because you've been told what to do your whole life which has little room for you for what you think and know and feel to be true and if you're just doing what someone else has told you to do then it's not your fault if it doesn't work right you can't get into trouble if it's not your fault are you still worried about getting into trouble there's a lot of parenting information out there and not all of it is good true or beneficial for you and you're a unique family this is where your ability to discern and decide for yourself and trust yourself comes in but those weren't things that you grew up with either can you even imagine your parents asking little you what you felt was best or nurturing your inherent self trust in place of degrading it with things like do as i say not as i do bless their hearts they were doing the best they could these first years of your child's life and these first years of your current mom phase of life there is just so much happening and changing fast and modern society is not established for our success you're not getting enough sleep you're not prepared to care for this tiny human that 100 percent depends on you no one is caring for you while you care for this tiny human you are in a brand new physical body that feels foreign to you and you are aware of the perception of others and that impacts your perception of yourself the insides of your body are different most if not all of your hormones have shifted you have more than 50 hormones that regulate all the systems of your body from the rate of your heartbeat to your digestion and your ability to feel and express love reproduction and so much more in rat studies scientists have investigated the impact of maternal stress on babies they remove the soft bedding material from cages taking away the mother's instinctual method for comforting and protecting her children this produces a great amount of stress in the mother rat and she turns on her children sometimes attacking them sometimes just abandoning them should the world we live in give more importance and care to moms yes 1000 percent are moms literally creating the next generation of humans that will one day be writers teachers doctors ceos and lawmakers yes is it literally in everyone's best interest for those will be adults of the future to have optimal emotional development in their first seven years without a doubt optimal emotional development that hinges on the emotional state of the mom yes are you gonna wait for society to figure itself out and support you are you gonna wait for someone to give you permission to be the mom that you know you want and need to be for your children or waiting for someone to give you permission to enjoy early motherhood if you are waiting for permission hi i'm ashlee hutt and i give you the mom listening to this podcast right now i give you permission i give you permission to listen to your heart to listen to your gut and to do and be what you know want and need to do and be for you and your children i give you permission to claim your own motherhood and enjoy these fleeting years full of love peace joy kindness goodness trust and self control are you gonna sit in the back seat waiting for someone else to drive the dang car or are you gonna cultivate your own calm in the chaos your own confident in the crazy in your own consistent in connection with your children and it actually gets to be easy and it actually gets to be fast relatively fast if you utilize and leverage your 95 percent mind now listen i love you i love your children and i know that you're doing the best that you can right now where you are with what you have and i am here to help i have a unique roadmap to cycle breaking success and joy for all i have a free training called how to give them the childhood that they are worthy of and the motherhood you desire without needing to be fully healed enduring decades of therapy or effing it up and you can register for free at the link below and or if you've already watched and loved that training which is why you're listening to me right now i invite you to apply for my signature program the joyous mom activator applying is free it is non committal it just opens the door to a dm conversation with me or my team and you can access to an additional training that expands more on all of this and the details of the program as well as different investment options i have something that will work for everyone just take action and apply and see what doors open up to you and if you've already applied what are you waiting for you and your kids aren't getting any younger their brain is developing more and more every day this isn't a guilt trip it's a reality check and i have something that will work for everyone and no matter what you are loved you are enough and you will be okay your kids will be okay you are doing and being your best right now and healing growth emotional intelligence and nervous system regulation are available at any age i believe in you i believe in you be sure to follow me on instagram so you know of the products and programs and workshops that are available as well as special offers for these things and i'd love it if you shared this with a friend or gave us five stars on your player my mission is to fulfill my part in this positive evolution of humanity by helping moms of young children heal themselves so that they can live and parent with love joy peace patience kindness goodness trust and self control gifting generational wealth to their children and the next generation of humanity by leveraging the often untapped power of the 95 percent mind for quick and long lasting results via hypnosis thank you for listening take care and we'll chat soon